Soak
by Dracuncula
Summary: Jane has to give Bass a bath and while doing so encounters an unexpected part of Bass's anatomy. Established Rizzles. (Also there's a reference in here to my previous story 'Turtles All The Way Down').


**Originally published on Livejournal. I own neither the characters, nor the tortoise.**

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_'1. Get basin out of garage.'_

"Basin out of garage, check", Jane Rizzoli squinted in the bright sunlight of a warm Boston spring day at the sheet of paper that held the instructions Maura had given her when she'd left early that morning.

It was supposed to be their day off, but due to unforeseen circumstances Maura's court appearance had been moved forward and she had no choice but to go into work. Which had left Jane with the unfortunate task of giving Bass his monthly soak. Usually something that Maura did and Jane was never really interested in partaking in - just like everything else concerning the care of Maura's massive tortoise. Jane and reptiles just didn't go very well together. This the detective had learned the hard way. After all, last time Maura had left Jane in charge of her pet, Jane had managed to nearly lose the giant reptile.

And yet, Jane found herself standing in her girlfriend's vast garden, preparing a bath for a 130 lbs African spurred tortoise. Sighing to herself, the detective returned to the carefully written instructions she held in her hand.

_'2. Fill with lukewarm water. Make sure the water is no higher than juncture between plastron and carapace (that's bottom and top shell).'_

"Plastron and carapace? Really Maura?" Jane shook her head muttering to herself. She made her way over to fetch Maura's garden hose. It was one of many fancy installation around Maura's house that Jane could never wrap her head around. After all, whoever needs solar-powered, hot and cold water in their garden? Someone who needs to fill a 5x5 feet plastic basin with lukewarm water to bathe a freakin' turtle, that's who.

As soon as Jane was satisfied with the temperature and level of the water sloshing around in the basin she picked up the written instructions again.

_'3. Pour in liquid vitamins (three bottle caps).'_

"Liquid vitamins, liquid vitamins ... Where'd I put the- ah! Gotcha!" Jane snatched the bottle she'd been looking for from where it was standing on the nearby garden table. She carefully measured three bottle caps and poured them into the water, before going back to the instructions.

_'4. Get Bass outside & help him into basin-'_

"Get Bass out and into the basin? What the hell Maura! That turtle weighs a bloody ton!" Jane grumbled to herself before bothering to read the rest of the sentence.

_'- Tommy will help you carry him. I asked him earlier this week if he could help us out. He'll be in the guesthouse'_

Jane couldn't help the eye roll at reading Tommy's name. Nevertheless, she had to admit that her baby brother did have a way with animals that was certainly lost on Jane. So she didn't hesitate to call the guesthouse and ask him to come over.

"So Janie, how do we do this then?" Tommy asked, standing in the sitting room and looking dubiously ate Bass who was lurking under the coffee table.

"Uh, no idea ... I've never actually seen how Maura does it. Maybe if we just grab either side of his shell and carry him outside?"

After spending 10 minutes trying to coax Bass out from under the coffee table and another 5 of Tommy crawling under said table to push the reluctant reptile out from his hiding place, the Rizzoli siblings managed to carry the tortoise out into the garden between them and into the basin.

"Look, I think he likes it!" Tommy pointed out when they watched Bass craning his neck as far as he could, tilting his head skywards to bask in the sun, while his feet eagerly paddled in the water.

"Huh. I guess he does. You looking almost like a sea turtle in there, Bass buddy!" Jane chuckled and fumbled for the piece of paper in her back pocket that held Maura's instructions to check the last one on the list.

"_ '5. Leave him to soak for at least an hour (don't worry he'll crawl out of the basin by himself if he's done soaking before you come to get him out)'_ ", Jane read out loud. "I guess that means we can relax for an hour and watch the turtle swim. I'll go grab us a beer from the kitchen. Just you don't leave Bass out of your sight, don't want a repeat performance of what happened last time I left him outside on his own!"

Jane has just arrived in Maura's kitchen and opened the door to the refrigerator when she heard a panicked shriek coming from the garden.

"Jane! Jane! Holy freakin' mother of God!"

Forgetting all about the beer the detective sprinted back into the garden to find her brother with a look of utter horror on his face, pointing at Bass inside his tub.

"What? What is it? What happened? Is the turtle okay?"

"Look at him! Look at ... What is that? It's coming out of the damned tortoise!"

Jane took a closer look at Bass and finally saw what her brother was pointing at, snaking out of Bass's shell right behind his hind legs.

"Holy shit!"

"Oh God, Janie ... Is that what I think it is?"

"It's ... Yeah, I think it's his penis." Jane warily eyed the pink appendage that had suddenly appeared and was now floating around in the water, almost making it look like it was wagging at her. "He's flashing us. That damned thing is flashing his penis at us!"

"But ... It's huge! It's like, half the size of Bass!" Tommy was now openly staring at the well-equipped tortoise.

"I've never seen him do that before ..." Jane muttered. "Oh my God. It's almost the size of a baseball bat!"

"Well I sure ain't ever saying anything about the lack of testosterone in your household again", the younger Rizzoli smirked.

"Haha Tommy. Real funny. I'm not so much worried about the testosterone at the moment. Why'd you think he's rolled it out? You think there's something wrong with his ... thing?" Jane started to wildly gesticulate at Bass in all his glory, a telltale sign of the detective beginning to get nervous. "Shit. Did we do something wrong? I swear I followed Maura's instruction to the letter!"

"No idea, why don't you just check? See if something's the matter with him." Tommy shrugged, eyeing Bass warily.

"You mean check his ... Ew. No. No way. Besides, you're a guy, shouldn't you be able to tell if there's something the matter with his manhood?"

"Oh hell no! Bass is your girlfriend's pet so if anyone should be checking his junk it's you!"

"I swear that freakin' turtle has it in for me!" Jane reluctantly crouched down next to Bass's bathtub to try and get a better look at him.

"What am I even looking for? I mean how on earth is a healthy turtle penis supposed to look like?" Jane murmured to herself.

"Maybe if you lift it out of the water a little, get a better look at it?"

"You mean touch it?" Jane raked a hand through her hair and took a deep breath, considering her options. After a little while she addressed her brother in a low voice. "I swear Tommy, if you ever tell anyone what I'm about to do I'll end you."

"No worries sis, your secret's safe with me. In fact, I don't think I want to see my sister fondling a giant tortoise anyway. I think I'll go grab that beer you promised me earlier!" And with those words Tommy excused himself and hurried back into the house.

"Yeah, yeah. Wimp. Now come on Bass, let's do this!" Jans murmured towards the tortoise in front of her.

Slowly, tentatively, Jane reached into the water with one hand, grabbing a firm hold of Bass's appendage. Just when she was about to lift it up a little to better look at it, she heard a throat being cleared behind her back followed by an amused voice she knew all too well.

"Now what exactly is it you're doing with my tortoise, Jane?"

Jane jerked her hand back, turned and looked straight into the eyes of Maura Isles. The doctor on her part was trying her hardest to refrain from laughing out loud at the scene in front of her.

"It's not what you think! I wasn't ... I was just checking ..." At a loss for words, Jane looked between Bass and Maura, before pointing at Bass accusingly. "I mean, have you ever seen ... that... come out of your turtle before? I thought maybe something's the matter with him."

Now Maura couldn't hold back her laughter anymore as she watched a flustered Jane trying to explain herself.

"You're ... What, you think this is funny? Really, Maura?"

"Yes, really. You do have to admit this is quite comical! And of course I've seen him do that before. He does it almost every time I give him a soak."

"And you never bothered to tell me?"

"Tell you what? That my male tortoise possesses a male reproductive organ?"

"That he whips it out and wags it in front of you whenever you bathe him? You could have warned me Maur! Instead you walk in on me feeling up your turtle ..."

"Tortoise, Jane. And I find it quite endearing that you worry about my tortoise enough to bring yourself to manually examine his reproductive organ."

"You do? Huh. Still, this whole situation is so wrong, on so many levels!"

"I won't tell. And I'm sure Bass is going to keep this incident to himself as well! As for Tommy - he turned beet-red the moment I came home and couldn't leave the house fast enough."

Despite the sincerity of her words Maura couldn't keep the smirk off her face, earning herself a raised eyebrow from Jane.

"How about this, you and I go inside and let Bass here soak for a little while longer, and you will get a cold beer and a massage so you can assure yourself of my gratitude towards you for going to such … _great_ _lengths_-" at this point Maura couldn't help but chuckle, "to make sure my tortoise is okay."

"Good one Maur", Jane smiled despite herself. "And I'm gladly taking you up on that offer. First, though", Jane walked past Maura towards the house, muttering as she went by. "I'm going to go scrub my hands until the top layer of my skin comes off!"


End file.
